Fate's Grasp
by Saruvi
Summary: Hisoka believes Muraki is coming for him. Nightmares overtake the boy and make him retreat into himself. Can Tsuzuki help Hisoka before the teen breaks?
1. The First Dream

**Disclaimer:** Yami no Matsuei and the characters Hisoka Kurosaki, Asato Tsuzuki, and other YnM characters are the property of Yoko Matsushita.

--

One night, Hisoka had this dream of a man in white. A man he knew. Muraki. He thought it was a dream anyway. In his dream Muraki was smiling. That was always a bad sign. In his dream Muraki was talking to himself. Another bad sign.

Muraki smiled. He would have his doll back soon. And then, he would have Tsuzuki as well. He just needed to wait awhile and everything would go as planned. Watching the two shinigami having lunch, Muraki was excited. He could almost taste his doll's lips once again. Just like that night long ago under the cherry tree when his doll was so innocent and young.

"I'll have you again my pretty toy and then I'll take your partner as my prize," Muraki smiled as he walked away and disappeared.

Hisoka awoke screaming. He was alone and he hated it. Creeping out of his bed, he made his way down the hallway to his partner's room. They had become roommates after Kyoto a year before, but nothing happened to deepen their relationship.

It was, Hisoka knew, his fault. He always pushed Tsuzuki away. He knew, he could not get close to anyone, especially the amethyst eyed shinigami since he knew, Muraki was coming for him again. And no one would be able to stop him.

Hisoka opened his partner's bedroom door. Tsuzuki was snoring softly. Creeping into the room, Hisoka slide between the sheets. He pressed close and began crying without meaning to. It did not take long for Tsuzuki to wake up.

"Soka? Why are you crying?" Tsuzuki asked rolling over and taking Hisoka into his arms.

"Muraki is coming for me. And for you. If you break, if you break because he takes me back, he will have you. Promise me you won't break Tsu," Hisoka cried.

"I won't break. But I'm not letting him take you," Tsuzuki replied.

"Tsu, you know he always gets what he wants and now he wants me. I will go to him and you will..." Hisoka began but Tsuzuki roughly tightened his hold on him.

"You will not go to him! Do you understand me? He is not getting you," Tsuzuki growled.

"You're hurting me Tsu, please let go," Hisoka whimpered, but Tsuzuki was angry and he wouldn't let go.

"You're not going to Muraki Hisoka, say it, promise me you won't go to him. Even if you think he's coming for you promise me you won't go to him first," Tsuzuki said.

"I-I promise! Please let go, please you're hurting me," Hisoka cried again.

"I won't let him have you, not when you belong to me," Tsuzuki said, rolling them over and tearing Hisoka's nightshirt from his slim body.

"Tsuzuki! No, please stop," Hisoka was panicking, this wasn't like his partner.

The look in Tsuzuki's eyes told Hisoka he wasn't listening. Pulling down his own boxer shorts, Tsuzuki then ripped off Hisoka's. The boy begged for him to stop.

"You're behaving like Muraki!" Hisoka screamed.

And Tsuzuki stopped.

"You think so too huh?" Tsuzuki said, blinking.

Hisoka's mind whirled. How could Tsuzuki behave this way. What happened to his normally jovial partner? Where was the kind man that always comforted him? Where had this man who was about to rape him come from?

"You make me this way Soka-chan. You make me scream for you. Burn so badly I ache for one taste. You gave it up to Muraki, why not give it to me?" Tsuzuki said.

"W-what? I didn't give it to him! Tsuzuki you know he raped me! I didn't give him anything! Please stop!" Hisoka yelled but Tsuzuki was already sliding into him.

"Oh god! Stop! Please it h-hurts!" Hisoka cried, yelling as loudly as he could.

"Oh good god, you feel so heavenly. Just like you did that night bouya," Muraki whispered.

And for the second time, Hisoka awoke screaming.

Instead of going to his partner's room, he lay sweating and gasping in his own bed, cold from sweat and fear and the knowledge Muraki had used Tsuzuki's image and Hisoka's love for his partner to terrorize him in his dreams.

"Oh help me, please!" Hisoka whimpered, crying into his pillow.

"Soka!! What's wrong?" Tsuzuki said as he slammed the door open and rushed into Hisoka's room.

"No don't touch me!" Hisoka screamed, jumping from bed and the comforting embrace he knew was coming.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked surprised at the boy's behavior.

"Please, please he's using us again. Please go away," Hisoka cried as he bumped into the wall behind him and slid down it's surface. Sweat beading in his hair and dripping down his face.

His green eyes widened with fear and lost innocence.

"Who? Muraki? Where is he?" Tsuzuki asked.

The problem with living on Chijou, Tsuzuki had always thought was the fact Muraki could find them anywhere they were. But Hisoka had found a little house for them to live in that he'd fallen in love with so Tsuzuki had given in. Finally happy to see the boy excited over something other than his job.

"He's you, he's him. He's coming for me. He said so. You can't stop him," Hisoka said, as Tsuzuki sat down in front of him and dragged him unwillingly into his lap.

"I won't hurt you Soka. I love you baby, but you gotta tell me where he is or I can't stop him. And I am not letting him come for you. I will make sure he..." but Tsuzuki was cut off by the next words from Hisoka.

"He's in my dreams," Hisoka said flatly.


	2. Disappearing Act

Chasing a demon in a dilapidated old warehouse had Hisoka stopping to catch his breath. He'd been separated from Tsuzuki awhile ago, though, he could still feel his partner and hear him yelling at him to meet him at the end of their respective corridors.

Hisoka yelled back, "I'm almost there," when he heard Tsuzuki yell for him to meet him at the end.

Tsuzuki ran to the end of his hallway, bumping into something. Looking up from his place on the floor, he noticed Hisoka laying on the floor a few feet away. They must have collided with one another. Trying not to laugh, Tsuzuki stood up, but when he went to grab Hisoka, the boy faded out and then faded back in.

"Huh?" Tsuzuki said. Hisoka groaned and rubbed his head as he sat up.

"For someone who eats as many sweets as you, you're damn hard to bump into," Hisoka said, "What?" he asked.

"N-nothing. Are you alright?" Tsuzuki asked. Hisoka nodded.

It had been a week since the first dream and everynight Hisoka slept with Tsuzuki, though, he didn't sleep. He would pretend to sleep until Tsuzuki was sleeping then he would get up and do housework or read until morning came. More often than not, he ended up dozing in his chair having to be woken up for work by Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki didn't say anything since Hisoka was actually getting some sleep. Though, he told himself if the boy couldn't function on a few hours sleep, he would definitely say something to him. He was amazed at the relaxed way Hisoka treated him now since he'd confessed his love to the empath. Though, Hisoka hadn't returned the sentiment, Tsuzuki knew the boy loved him back.

He thought that the teen's nightmare was from his insecurities dealing with love and emotions such as caring, but a few days after the demon hunt, when Hisoka awoke in the apartment's living room screaming and choking, he knew something else was happening. Though, he didn't know what it was. And he was about to say something when Hisoka suddenly disappeared for a second then reappeared in the apartment.

"What the hell?" Tsuzuki said, blinking.

"God, god, please Tsu, please please," Hisoka began to hyperventilate, "He's doing it!"

"Hisoka, calm down. You need to calm down," Tsuzuki told him, patting him on the back.

"No, he's doing it. He's trying to take me back. I just saw him! Help me!" Hisoka screamed, clawing at himself and drawing blood on his neck and arms.

He was in a total panic and Tsuzuki was so worried he would hurt himself further he teleported them both to Meifu and called for Watari. Hisoka was screaming and wouldn't calm down.

"You said you loved me. Help me. Please please help me. Keep me from him. He's coming," Hisoka kept screaming. It seemed he didn't even know they were no longer in their apartment but in Meifu.

"I'm sedating him. He's going to overload his empathy if he keeps this up," Watari said. There wasn't anything else to do to calm the boy down.

When Hisoka was asleep, Watari demanded to know what was going on.

"What do you mean he disappeared for a second but came back?" Watari said.

"Yeah, when we went after that demon two weeks ago, he faded then came back and just now in the apartment. I went to touch him but he wasn't there then he was," Tsuzuki explained.

"That makes no sense. People can't disappear and reappear," Watari said.

"Do you think I don't know that? I do. But I also know what I saw," Tsuzuki told him.

"Alright, so he disappeared. Why though? What triggered it?" Watari asked.

"Muraki is messing with him in his dreams he says. He said Muraki was coming for him. I don't know what to do to protect him," Tsuzuki admitted.

"Well, why not stay up here in Meifu? I'm sure Tatsumi can get you two a place," Watari said.

"Yeah, good idea," Tsuzuki replied.

--

Later that night, when Hisoka woke up, he started by throwing himself into Tsuzuki's arms and crying.

"Please don't let him get me! Please!" Hisoka cried.

"I won't let get you baby, please calm down. I need you to agree to let us stay up here in Meifu. It's the only way I can protect you," Tsuzuki said.

"Yes yes, anything, promise you won't let him get me," Hisoka agreed, but he was beginning to panic again and when Watari showed up, he totally lost it.

"Don't come near me! I don't want to sleep!" he screamed as he faded in and out.

"Whoa, Hisoka calm down, you need to calm down!" Tsuzuki yelled.

The more panicked Hisoka became, the more his image shimmered in and out.

"Bon if you don't stop, you'll overload!" Watari yelled.

And Hisoka stopped screaming. He stopped panicking as he slumped on the bed in Tsuzuki's arms.

Gasping for breath, he passed out.


	3. Bound

Three days later, and Hisoka hadn't woken up yet. Tsuzuki was upset at the comatose state of his partner. In fact, if he didn't get some sleep himself soon, Watari was ordered by Tatsumi to sedate him. Something Watari really didn't want to have to do.

Tsuzuki stayed by Hisoka's side the whole time he was in a coma. He refused to leave and they had to force him to eat. As Hisoka wasted away, so did Tsuzuki. And nothing anyone seemed to do helped. Hisoka simply would not wake up.

--

Hisoka ran around in his mind, he was a little boy, loved by his mother until one day he asked why she was jealous of a neighbor and found himself locked in a basement. Not understanding this turn of events he cried for his parents but his mother told him he was not her son.

"Not your son?" Hisoka asked.

"No you're a demon child and no son of mine!" Rui shouted at the little boy.

"I am your son momma," Hisoka cried.

"No! You're a demon child with demon powers. You're no son of mine," Rui shouted as she left the basement room.

Demon child. Demon powers. Where had he heard that before? He somehow knew this was a dream. He wasn't a little boy anymore and he had someone who loved him but where was he?

_Tsuzuki please find me. Before he comes back._

There was a rustle behind the little boy, which caused his green eyes to widen. He wanted to run, but he was frozen in place and he thought, Tsuzuki should have been there by now if he knew where Hisoka was he would have been there.

His legs began to unfreeze and he started to run, but it was too late. Muraki had taken hold of the little boy and would not let him go. So Hisoka was trapped in his own mind with the one person he didn't want to be with.

Arms wrapped around his tiny waist as he tried to scream, as he tried to cry, but nothing happened as pale hands bound the little boy to the tree, as ropes tied themselves around his legs, as a collar was placed around his neck, Hisoka's nightmares came true.

"You're mine bouya, as you always were," Muraki told the little boy.

The image shimmered and it was now a sixteen year old Hisoka bound to the tree. As Muraki cut into his flesh and chanted some words he couldn't understand, Hisoka screamed, and bolted up in the infirmary bed he was in.

--

Tsuzuki jumped up as Watari came running into the infirmary. His partner was awake.

"Soka, calm down. You're safe now," Tsuzuki told him.

"Never safe, never safe," Hisoka shook his head. "He's coming." And Hisoka began crying.

--

"What do you think is going on Watari?" Tsuzuki said later after Hisoka had fallen asleep.

"I don't know. But how is it that bon doesn't realize Muraki is dead?" Watari asked.

"I don't understand that either. It's as though he's forgotten we killed him," Tsuzuki replied.

"Unless, Muraki found a way to place part of himself inside bon. Then, he can torment him anytime he wanted to," Watari said.

"That sounds like something out of the twilight zone you know? It doesn't make sense. Hisoka is petrified and yet, we know for a fact it can't be Muraki. Since the man is dead..." Tsuzuki trailed off, looking over at his partner he wasn't so sure anymore that Muraki was dead.

Only the doctor could cause Hisoka to behave this way.

"You're thinking he's not actually dead aren't you?" Tatsumi said from the doorway.

"Yes, I'm thinking maybe it's what Watari said. Maybe he found a way to torment Hisoka by placing himself into him somehow," Tsuzuki said.

"That's quite a theory. But it makes sense since only Kurosaki was in the room with him when the man died. You were unconcious for awhile weren't you Tsuzuki?" Tatsumi asked.

Tsuzuki nodded, so where did they go from here?

"If Muraki is somehow inside Hisoka, how do we get him out?" Watari asked.

"I don't know. He thinks he's coming for him, not that he's already here," Tsuzuki pointed out.

--

Hisoka was screaming as Muraki took hold of him in his dream. He ran his fingers along the collar around his neck.

"I'm not a dog! Take this off me now!" Hisoka snapped.

"No can do bouya. You're my property and that collar shows you to be such," Muraki told him.

"What do you want?" Hisoka asked.

"What I have always wanted. You and your partner. You'll do whatever I want you to do. Physically, mentally, sexually," Muraki said.

"No I won't! I won't! You can't make me..." Hisoka started but screamed as his neck burned.

"You will do whatever I want you to do," Muraki said again.

The more his neck burned, the more he lost himself. The more he became Muraki's perfect little doll.

"Oh by the way doll, you can wake up now," Muraki snickered.

"Tsuzuki! Tsuzuki! Help me!" Hisoka yelled from his sleep.


	4. In Dreams

Four days later Hisoka was released from the infirmary. But he was put on desk duty along with Tsuzuki, which made the young teen angry.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" he snapped.

"They just want to make sure you're alright and..." Tsuzuki said.

"I'm not a kid! Stop treating me as one!" Hisoka said, his neck itched and he wanted something but he wasn't sure what it was.

He knew he wanted to work in the field but he wasn't allowed to so that left paperwork that he didn't wish to do. He grabbed his jacket and left the Ministry building. Tsuzuki called after him but he ignored the man. The more his neck itched, the more he thought of his partner.

He looked up, finding himself standing outside their apartment in Meifu. The one Tatsumi had gotten for them. Scratching at his neck, he let himself into the place and threw off his shoes and jacket. Not caring if they weren't neatly placed.

He ran to the bathroom looking in the mirror at his neck, but there wasn't anything there. It just began to burn when the phone rang. Breathlessly, he ran to answer it.

"Soka?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Yes," Hisoka answered, was it hot in the apartment? Maybe he needed the air conditioner on?

"You had me worried. You just suddenly left work and I was..." Tsuzuki didn't get to finish when Hisoka interrupted him.

"Come home Tsu. I need you," Hisoka said, his small voice taking on a seductive quality.

"Something wrong Soka? Did you dream again?" Tsuzuki asked, his voice filled with worry.

"Just come home now please," Hisoka nearly cooed into the phone.

"Be there in five minutes. Going to let Tatsumi know we left," Tsuzuki said before hanging up the phone.

--

After hanging up the phone, Hisoka went back to the mirror in the bathroom. Muraki's image was superimposed over his own.

"Good my doll. Make him come to you," the image smiled and Hisoka nearly vomited at his impending betrayal.

--

"Soka? Where are you?" Tsuzuki asked as he entered their apartment five minutes later.

Hisoka was suddenly in front of him, pressing himself against his lean frame. Kissing him and oh god, Tsuzuki, he was in heaven at having his heart's desire so close and kissing him.

"Tsu...zu...ki," Hisoka cooed, "I want you."

"I want you too but don't you think this is too soon?" Tsuzuki asked.

"You don't want me?" Hisoka asked.

Tears filled the young teen's green eyes as Tsuzuki blinked at the sudden change in his partner.

"Yes I want you. I just think, we need to wait," Tsuzuki said.

"You don't want me because I'm used and dirty! You don't want to tell me outright that the thought of being with me disgusts you," Hisoka screamed and Tsuzuki didn't know what to do or say so when Hisoka ran from the apartment, he just let him go.

"What the hell was that about?" The older shinigami said to himself.

--

Hisoka ran and teleported down to Chijou. He found himself wandering around a park about three blocks from his and Tsuzuki's normal place of residence. Exhausted, feeling ashamed and his neck burning, he sat down on a bench.

_I'm so stupid, how could I ever think he'd want me,_ he thought.

"Because he will never want someone as dirty as you. Now, come with me. You didn't do what I wanted so you're going to be punished," Muraki said, walking over to Hisoka.

Hisoka's eyes widened in fear.

"You're dead. I saw you die," he said.

"Do you think what you saw was real? Or do you think I manipulated the situation to suit myself?" Muraki asked, taking him by the arm and tugging him up to kiss him.

And Hisoka melted enough with fear to allow Muraki to pick him up bridal style and carry him off.

--

Hours later, when Muraki was raping him for the second time, Hisoka tried to scream as it happened, but it just caught in his throat.

"Now, go clean yourself up bouya and change the sheets," Muraki told him when he was done, tossing him a washcloth.

Hisoka rolled off the bed, wincing at the pain and ran to the bathroom, crying.

_Tsuzuki, please, please don't let this be real,_ he thought. But it was as real as it was going to get.

Washing himself off, he was amazed there was no blood, until Muraki came into the bathroom and kissed him, biting him on the lips, drawing blood. Hisoka screamed and woke up in the arms of his partner in the infirmary of the Ministry.

"Oh Hisoka, thank god you're awake!" Tsuzuki said as he took the teen in his arms.

"Tsu," Hisoka said, and began crying, it had all been a dream. It hadn't been real.

Even his partner not wanting him had just been an illusion. Muraki coming back from the dead, raping him again, it was a dream.

He continued to cry because he knew, it was only a matter of time before it became real.


	5. The Want to Need

For the next week, Hisoka refused to sleep unless he was exhausted. Threatening to have him sedated, Tsuzuki watched as the boy became frightened and began yelling and screaming at him.

"I am not a kid dammit! I don't have to sleep unless I want to sleep!" Hisoka screamed.

The only thing to do was suggest Hisoka sleep with him.

"How about you sleep with me? That seemed to work last week right? Unless you get up in the middle of the night like then, you could rely on me to help wake you up if you're having a nightmare," Tsuzuki suggested.

Hisoka calmed down a bit, "You wouldn't mind? I mean, I toss and turn a lot," he said.

"No I wouldn't mind. I told you, I love you. I wouldn't mind if you shared my bed in other ways as well," Tsuzuki, smiling.

"I'm not ready to for that though," Hisoka said, his blush evident on his pale cheeks.

"I know baby. I was just letting you know. I will wait for you," Tsuzuki told him, putting his arms around him. "How about we take a nap now? You look exhausted."

"Alright, you'll hold me?" Hisoka asked shyly. Tsuzuki nodded.

--

And then, laying in bed later in Tsuzuki's arms, Hisoka began to panic. It wasn't like him to seek out affection or comfort. He was scared. What if Tsuzuki wanted more? He said he would wait, but weren't all men the same?

Not Tsuzuki, he was different. Right?

"Tsu, could I go sleep in my own room please?" Hisoka asked, his voice small.

"Sure, I'll come with you," Tsuzuki said.

"No! I mean no, it's okay, really, I should sleep on my own and not rely on you," Hisoka told him, rolling out of the bed and practically running to his own room.

Once in there, Hisoka threw himself down on his bed and cried. He didn't hear the door opening to his room. But he did feel the soft caressing of his hair.

"Soka, what are you so afraid of?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Of you. Of what you want me to do with you," Hisoka said honestly. He was so tired of letting his nightmares run the show.

"What do I want you to do with me?" Tsuzuki questioned.

"You want to make love with me and I... I can't. And I don't want you to hate me because I can't have sex with you," Hisoka said.

"I don't think it's sex I want with you Soka. It's a life with you that I want more. If we can't be intimate, that's fine. I won't lie and say I don't want that with you, because I do, but if I can't have it, I'll take you any way that I can get you," Tsuzuki said.

"You would be happy that way with me?" Hisoka asked.

Tsuzuki nodded. "I would be happy any way with you. Even if we stayed this way. Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Hm?" Hisoka said.

"Is this why you're convinced Muraki is coming for you?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Yes. I think, my mind is making my fears take control of my dreams. He once bound me to him. But now that he might be dead, I don't know what to do. I can't use him as excuse not to be intimate with you," Hisoka explained.

"Do you want to be intimate with me Hisoka?" Tsuzuki inquired. If they could get past this, then Hisoka's nightmares would go away.

Hisoka looked away, blushing, as he whispered, "Yes."

"Then if you would like to try, we can go slow. I won't push you or make you do anything you don't want to do," Tsuzuki told him.

He couldn't breathe as Tsuzuki stepped up to him and began kissing him along his neckline.

"O-okay," Hisoka said. Closing his eyes, he had to fight back images of Muraki, bringing his hands up, he clenched Tsuzuki's arms tightly, as the older male kissed him on the lips.

Deepening the kiss, Tsuzuki took the opportunity to slide his tongue into Hisoka's mouth. And his neck burned making him pull away in terror.

"I c-can't do this," Hisoka cried, pulling away, "Please don't hate me, but I'm just not ready."

"Soka, baby, calm down, it's alright. I don't hate you. You're not ready for what I want. So I'll wait," Tsuzuki told him soothingly.

"What if I'm not ever ready Tsu? What if I can't ever go to bed with you?" Hisoka asked.

"Then you're not. If that happens, we'll deal with it. I just enjoy being with you now as is. I can wait until you're ready or not," Tsuzuki told him, "Now, let's go back to sleep alright?"

"Alright. But can we sleep here in my bed?" Hisoka asked, like it was asking for the outrageous.

"Of course," Tsuzuki said, laying down and patting the empty spot next to him.

Hisoka crawled into the bed and cuddled up to his partner. Breathing in his partner's scent, he had to force himself not to cry. He so badly wanted to make love with his partner but he couldn't let Muraki win.

_What does Muraki have to do with you sleeping with Tsuzuki?_ Hisoka's mind asked.

_I don't know. But I know that man has something to do with this,_ Hisoka thought.


	6. Fear Takes Hold

During their nap, Hisoka dreamed about the binding again. Black leather wrapping around his neck, tightening enough so he could feel it itching his skin but he could still breathe. He dreamed of Muraki calling to him. He dreamed he couldn't wake up from this nightmare.

Walls suddenly appeared, trapping him inside a small room. He felt the collar burning his neck and he raised a hand to try to tug it off but it wouldn't budge.

"Hello bouya," Muraki said.

Hisoka screamed, but all that came out was a gasp. Which woke Tsuzuki up. Groggily turning to look at his partner, he sat up when he noticed the teen still asleep, his features etched in horror and panic.

"Hisoka? Wake up," Tsuzuki said.

But Hisoka wouldn't wake up. He was trapped within his mind, within his fears. His mind trapping him so he couldn't wake up and he tried to scream, but nothing would come out. Tsuzuki panicked and teleported them both to the Ministry.

--

"He's not responding to anything. Do you know what triggered this?" Watari asked.

"We were napping," Tsuzuki answered. He was sitting on the side of the infirmary bed with Hisoka's hand in one of his. He kept squeezing, hoping the boy would respond, but he didn't.

"That couldn't have trapped him like this Tsuzuki. What are you not telling me?" Watari said, narrowing his amber eyes.

"We were almost intimate. But he wasn't ready. He's really scared that he's bound to Muraki in some way," Tsuzuki replied.

"Well, he has a burn mark on his neck. Almost as though something was there and now it's not. Like a collar," Watari told him.

"A collar? Damn that man! I saw him die, but maybe..." Tsuzuki stopped.

"You're thinking he's not dead? That he's in bon's dreams?" Watari asked. Tsuzuki shook his head.

"No, I think Hisoka was right. He is doing this to himself. We both thought we saw Muraki die in that warehouse so maybe he didn't and though Hisoka believes it's his fears doing this to him, perhaps, it's actually Muraki," Tsuzuki said.

"What is he afraid of?" Watari asked.

"Being intimate with me. He wants to be, but he isn't ready," Tsuzuki replied.

"So he is so afraid of that, he's trapped himself within his nightmare of Muraki," Watari said. Tsuzuki nodded.

"How do I help him get out of it? I've told him I'll wait until he's ready. I've even said if he's never ready for that type of relationship that's ok," Tsuzuki said, "But I don't know how to help him."

"Go into his mind and make him see it's nothing to be frightened about?" Watari suggested, "One thing though, I think it's more than his fears here Tsuzuki. I actually think Muraki has managed to bind bon to him somehow."

"So he's not only reacting to his fears of intimacy, you're saying Muraki didn't die in that warehouse. If that's the case, I need to get into Hisoka's mind to help him. Because he will have him bound to him," Tsuzuki said.

"Pretty much," Watari said, frowning.

"Why are you frowning Watari?" Tsuzuki asked.

"I don't think it's Muraki Tsuzuki, I think it's bon himself. He's doing this. He was right when he said it was his fears. I believe it's him doing this himself," Watari said.

"Either way, I should try to reach him and make him see he has nothing to be afraid of," Tsuzuki said.

"Yeah, I'll help you go into his mind. Go fill Tatsumi in first though. He'll want to know what's happening," Watari said and Tsuzuki nodded, leaving the room.

--

Inside Hisoka's mind, Muraki cut into him, making a circle with a slash through it. Continuing to cut into the pale skin caused the boy to begin screaming and trying to pull away but he couldn't. He was bound in place by Muraki's collar.

It seemed that Muraki just liked cutting into Hisoka's skin just for fun. In fact, everything the doctor cut in, meant something. Some symbols meant Hisoka was trapped longer in his nightmare, some meant Hisoka was a puppet, while others were just to cause pain.

Hisoka was in so much pain, he retreated deeper into his mind, to a place no one could find him. Least of all Muraki. The landscape of his mind took on a tapestry of his pain. Rivers of blood, skies of darkened blacks and blues. Sakura trees everywhere. He hated it all. Yet, he couldn't wake up.

Tsuzuki, please help me, Hisoka cried to himself as he ran down a corridor in his mind.

The thing Hisoka couldn't be sure of was Muraki. Though the pain inflicted _felt_ like the doctor, he couldn't be sure it _was_ the doctor. He was sure the man was dead. Then if it wasn't him, who was it?

Mirrors appeared all over the walls in the room Hisoka entered within his mind at the end of the corridor he had run down. Images of himself were reflected there in every part of his life. From the time he was a baby to his sixteen year old self right now.

"If it's not Muraki, who is it Hisoka?" the images asked in one voice.

"I-I don't know who it is!" Hisoka screamed.

"You know, you're just too afraid to admit it," the images said.

"No! No I don't know!" Hisoka yelled and the mirrors shattered around him. Holding up his arms, he felt the glass cut into his flesh, but he could not feel the pain anymore.

_Who was it that he was afraid of to admit who was doing this to him?_ He thought.

"Bouya, I've found you. There is no where inside this mind that you can hide," Muraki said.

"This is my mind. I can find places in here you know nothing about," Hisoka snapped.

"Who are you afraid of?" Muraki suddenly asked, a question out of character.

Which seemed odd to Hisoka due to the fact Muraki never cared who his victims were afraid of. Just that they be afraid.

"Go away," Hisoka said.

"Is it me... or is it," Muraki said, and his image shimmered to reveal Hisoka himself, "you?"


	7. Wake Up Call

Hisoka didn't know how to answer the question. He was sure it was Muraki playing tricks on him, so he ran from the room. Glass crunching under his feet.

"You'll have to figure it out sooner or later bouya," Muraki said after him.

_Why would he be afraid of himself?_ Hisoka thought.

It was so easy to blame everything on Muraki. But was it was the honest thing to do? Was Hisoka afraid of intimacy because he'd been raped or because the rape gave him the excuse not to be close to anyone, especially Tsuzuki?

Perhaps, if Hisoka stayed wrapped in his mind long enough, Tsuzuki would give up on him and get someone else. This thought saddened Hisoka as he wanted Tsuzuki to be his but he wasn't ready to become Tsuzuki's. Right?

Or not. He didn't know anything anymore. He just kept running until he entered a meadow with a red moon hanging in the sky and a woman's scream cutting through the night air.

And Hisoka was lost again in pain and blood. In lost innocence and the desire to close yourself off from everyone, even from a man who loved him.

--

"He's seizing, so I'm giving him something to calm him down. I'd like to know what he's dreaming about in there," Watari said, pushing a needle into Hisoka's vein.

"Muraki. He's thinking about Muraki. I wouldn't call what he's going through now a dream. I just gotta get in there to help pull him out," Tsuzuki said.

"Well, Kurosaki doesn't seem to want to wake up on his own, so sending Tsuzuki in there might work to get him to wake up and return to us," Tatsumi said, entering the room.

Tsuzuki bit his lip. He didn't know what to say to Hisoka once inside his mind, but he knew he had to go in there to bring the boy out. He couldn't live without him. He loved him so much and he was afraid it was his feelings for Hisoka doing this to the teen.

So, Tsuzuki laid down next to Hisoka in the bed the teen was in, holding him tightly to his chest, he thought of nothing but his partner as he closed his eyes and fell into Hisoka's mind.

His senses were assaulted by the smell of fresh grass and flowers as he opened his eyes to reveal a meadow with Hisoka standing in the middle of it.

--

Hisoka's vitals picked up as he ran into the meadow with the red moon, where nightmares never ended but he had an image inside his head of purple eyes and a kind smile and the moon shimmered and became normal as all Hisoka could see was a meadow full of lilacs and lavender.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki yelled.

Hisoka looked around for the person calling his name. And when he saw Tsuzuki in his mind, he was suddenly sure it was himself that he was afraid of. He knew Muraki was dead. He'd seen him die in that warehouse and he knew Tsuzuki would never hurt him, so it had to be himself doing this.

"Tsuzuki," Hisoka whispered, taking off at a run.

Tsuzuki watched as Hisoka ran towards him, he held out his arms and caught the boy as he ran into him, causing them both to fall backwards on the grass in the meadow.

"What are you doing here Tsu?" Hisoka asked.

"I came to get you to wake up. I wanted you to know I am going to transfer so you have nothing to be afraid of anymore," Tsuzuki said.

"No! You can't transfer! You can't leave me..." Hisoka cried.

"But I can't have you afraid Soka. I love you so much and I can't have you afraid of me and what I want with you," Tsuzuki told him.

"But you can't leave me. I am doing this to myself. I realized it when I saw you in here. It's not Muraki. It's not even you or what you want. It's me. For so long I haven't been close to anyone. No one wanted me and then, all of a sudden, you wanted me and I was afraid and ashamed because of my past," Hisoka explained.

"Soka, you have nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. You're perfect. I love you and want to be with you," Tsuzuki said.

"I want to be with you too. Can we go home now and you can show me how much you love me?" Hisoka asked. "I'm ready for you I know I am."

"If you're sure. Why don't you wake up now?" Tsuzuki suggested and Hisoka nodded.

--

Later it seemed foolish to Hisoka to have ever been afraid enough to have those fears take hold of him. When he cried in ecstasy and pleasure and not pain, when he shouted I love you as Tsuzuki plunged deep within him, Hisoka's fears melted away.

He was ashamed yes, but not of his past, of how he had behaved. But even that shame disappeared as Tsuzuki began to move. Making love to him as as though he were a precious treasure. And the next time he had a nightmare, it was only because Tsuzuki made him stay up to watch horror movies on late night tv.


End file.
